I’m writing out of a heart that longs for something that has long been fulfilled, but at times gets tempted to be found elsewhere.
If there’s one thing that I have looked for most in my life, it has always been security. Whether it deals with my future, or in the now. I’ve had my fair share of disappointments during the past eighteen years, and in those times – lessons were learned the hard way. So hard, that I’d rather not repeat them again. It’s like that campaign against Marcos: “Never Forget.” This proves that looking for security wasn’t easy, looking for it in all the wrong places and from the wrong people just made it more difficult.
I’d expand the idea as to why I made a choice to no longer say Yes to Maybes, and how hard it was realizing this conviction. So here goes.
I’m not saying Yes to a Maybe, because I’ve wasted them all. As I have said, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments. I’m a go-getter, or in other words – a risk taker. I’m not saying risks are out of the picture (because anything that’s worth it is worth the risk), I’m saying I took every risk available that I’d rather take the option of being sure now. A single “maybe” might be tempting, especially when it gives an option that is a little bit better than your reality, but stakes are sold at a high price and you don’t usually realize it until you’re in too deep already. Risks are high, but if you can’t do anything about the risk (eg: try your hardest, give it your best) then you’re bound to regret the choice of a wasted heartbreak to a single Maybe.
And so now, I’m no longer saying Yes to a Maybe because they’re expensive, and I can no longer afford it. To save you from your future heartbreak, “maybe” you should too. I am aware that by saying this, I might be hindering you from learning lessons on your own, but If I can help you in avoiding the land mines I had stepped on, then this maybe is worth it.
I’m not saying Yes to a Maybe, because I am Assured. Every maybe I’ve said “yes” to in the past involved my security. Just to give you a little bit of an idea, I entered a relationship at a young age, somewhere in between the age eleven and thirteen because I was so insecure with attention. I joined a lot of extra-curricular activities, I tried dancing (mind you, dancing was never my forte), I tried sports, I even joined pageants (not the major ones, just the simple ones that were held at high schools) or traveled without my parents. I drowned myself in movies, I broke my own heart by choosing to read books that involved death, I envied stories and shed a tear or two in families’ best reads. I have many more, but I’d rather not bore you with my past. Those were my simple, yet many “maybes” that answered to a single question – “Maybe, this would be okay and I’d forget this-or-that” but it was never quite enough. Those were all distractions. We all know what distractions are for, they take your attention elsewhere so the whole thing can eat you up in the back of your head. Somehow unseen, but never gone. It worked for a little while, but then they’d always fall short of something. I got so lost in translation, I no longer knew what I’d do.
And then, God found me.
It took a little bit of adjusting, I got overwhelmed. I cried, a lot. I was shaken up, a lot. I walked on water (not literally), and then waves would distract me but God was always there. I no longer needed to ask for attention, because I know God is always watching. I no longer needed a companion, because I know I am never alone. I no longer needed to feel loved, because I know I am loved. I no longer needed to be appreciated, because I know God looks at me like there’s not another human being on earth like me. And you know what? He looks at you like that, too. He knows our circumstances better than us, and he gives us His promises to secure us. We need not to be completed, because God is complete – and we are complete in Him.
Stop answering every Maybe with a Yes. Don’t try so hard and don’t expose your vulnerability too much. The only one who’s supposed to have that intimate connection with you is the one who knows you better than anyone, and that’s Him. Stop putting yourself in a situation where in you’d be tempted to question who you are, or what you’re worth.
And if by chance, you’re like me. You think you’ve grown, you’re confident you’d never experience a tough heartbreak again, you think you already know better and then God pries your hands open – humbling you down and reminding you that you are still very much human. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve told myself too often to stop taking a Maybe for an answer yet I still do it, maybe not often as I did before. Like the first sentence of this article, I still get tempted to look for my security elsewhere and then God. And then God would appear, and then God would be there, and then God would remind me that He has always been there and He has never left. Your maybes are your weakest link. I’d leave this verse to you.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.”
– 2nd Corinthians 12:9